i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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