I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
