She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
