my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
