Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
