Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
