was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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