it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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