if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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