ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize