guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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