I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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