I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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