he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
