i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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