You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
