how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
