Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
