dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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