I've blown a few things in my day
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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