I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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