Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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