Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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