I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
