How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
