are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
