you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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