If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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