The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
