She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
