woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize