She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
