1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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