That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
