girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
