Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
