I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
