Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
