She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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