He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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