If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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