I am in a vortex of obligation.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
