There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
