Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
