my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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