SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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