you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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