sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
