I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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