Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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