it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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