Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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