Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
