..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
