I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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