One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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