Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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