At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
