4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
