Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
