I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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