Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
