Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
