I bet he comes in French.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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