he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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