No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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