Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
