sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
