she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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