Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
