He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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