Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My underwear smells like fireworks.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize