I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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