just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
