I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize