I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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