listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
