The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
