If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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