i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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