Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
