I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
