we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
