Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
