dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
