Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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