Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
