everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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