Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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