Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize