I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Someone shit on the floor
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
