With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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