yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
