Are we in a gay sports bar?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
