she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
