u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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