I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
