East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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