Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
