i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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