dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
