We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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