She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
